New Year – New Blog!

Hi my loves…its been a while. And that is because I have started a new blog! So for more of the same frothy wit you’ve become accustomed, please head on over to my new site on wordpress and give it a follow.

I will be revamping some of my old favorites and discarding the ones that feel weighed down by the bitterness of past relationships and  the general distain of 2016? So what do you think? I know, I know excellent idea right! It 2017 and its time for a change.

Hope to see you there and I am trying to follow each and everyone of you on my new site. Also…if you enjoyed thatgirltrisha posts the first post I would check out on thatbasicwhitegirl is the juice cleanse, and what a fresh hell that was!

xoxo

thatbasicwhitegirl.wordpress.com

True Life: I have PPD (Post Party Depression) 

 Yes….it’s a real thing. You may be suffering from PPD right now and you don’t even know it.

Have you recently returned home after a weekend of parties, binge drinking, VIP treatment and so much fun? If so you, you may have what we like to call Post Party Depression – the brutal come down back into reality. If you are experiencing any of the below symptoms call your local club promoter and get yourself on the list immediately.

1.Depression because Your venti iced coffee doesn’t brighten your morning the way it used too…you replaced caffine with champagne and you’re going through withdrawal.

2. You feel like something is missing from your morning…. brunch and a mimosa (or 6) because that’s how you think every morning should start.

3. An inflated ego after too much VIP treatment…the office should really have a VIP break room…and bottle service

4. A feeling of sadness comes over you when you are doing your daily routine…sober.

5. Experiencing discomfort in normal clothes after days in a bikini.

6. Intense vitamin D withdrawal…now that you’re at the office and not lounging by a pool.

7. Extreme paranoia…that your tan might fade.

8. You’re experiencing feelings of urgency…to get to happy hour.

9. Feelings of confusion and self doubt when you’re no longer being hit on or groped ever where you go.

10. Feelings of stress after seeing your credit card statement.

Don’t let the PPD and Anxiety control your life, go to happy hour and plan your next Vacay today!

10 Fabulous Reasons Betches Love Birthdays! 

  The type of person I will never trust or understand is the person who claims they do not celebrate or get excited about birthdays. Like what kind of person hates birthdays!? I’ll tell you…the kind with no childhood or no soul. Betches love all birthdays, it’s an excuse to party, drink, dress up and revel in absolute excessivness. Who doesn’t love that?? 

1. Calling all Betches! A birthday trip/party is an excellent excuse to get all your girls together, near or far, blonde or brunette, everyone shows up for a Betches birthday. What’s more fun than having all your girls in one Hotel suite?

2. Team Excess. Too much of a good thing? Absolutely not possible on a birthday weekend. Bottle service anyone? You’re the birthday princess, you don’t want to be mingling with the common club goers! It’s the perfect occasion to throw down on a bottle and get a booth. VIP is always  a birthday necessity! 

3. It’s all about me. What other weekend of the year, it’s the focus 100% on you!? You get to revel in all your birthday attention. A sash or tiara is a must to make the most out of your birthday experience. A Tiara and/or sash calls attention to your special day…who answers the call you ask? Men who by you and your girls drinks! Duh! 

4. Betches are like (an expensive)  fine wine. We get better with age! Obviously!  And what do I mean by age? We’re 25 now, we can afford our own bottle service and pool side cabana! We are no longer in college and we don’t need our drunkest friend to make out with the best man at a bachelor party so we can join their table…but maybe we will do that anyway, coz it’s fun…not cuz we have too. 

5. B-Day Behavior. What better excuse to get away with something than saying “it’s my birthday!” Who cares that you’re 25 and flirting with a 21 year old frat boy….it’s your birthday! Coug it up! Slip the hot waiter your number, blow a kiss at the hottie on the street bike from your limo, make out with a random stranger. Get wild! 

6. Calories don’t count. It’s one of the few weekends a year where you deserve to eat whatever you want! It’s your birthday so if you wanna eat a large cheese pizza, and wash it down with a dozen mini cupcakes, you do you girl! Just make sure you’re hang over is aggressive enough to ensure you don’t look bloated while you’re recovering poolside! You’ve been dieting months so you look fabulous in your birthday bikini. So treat yo self.

7. Two words…birthday dress. The only other day besides NYE that’s it’s ok to wear sparkles and sequence from head to toe. 

8. The best excuse to take time off work! You’re in an airport on Friday morning  sipping a Bloody Mary while you’re co-workers are clocking in at the office. The best part? You’re getting paid to drink that Bloody Mary! Cheers to you birthday girl! 

9. As much as you love being spoiled on your birthday…you also love celebrating your Betches birthday’s so that you can spoil them and show them what an awesome friend they truly are…usually by getting them blacked out. What are friends for. 

10. Sorry not sorry IG. It’s your birthday vacay and you’re off being fabulous! So of course you’re going to post an absolutely obnoxious about of birthday pictures! They are all so cute! And it’s your birthday so all your followers can just shut up and double tap, while they are at home being jealous of your awesome inside joke  hashtags. #sorrynotsorry #bdaybehavior

Skinny Betch Struggles 

  There is no struggle more real than that of a skinny Betch. It’s f***ing like June already and the past few months of  dieting and going to the gym, followed by binge drinking haven’t left you looking like like Jillian Michaels…oops…whatever. So You’ve set your sites on crash dieting before notable events …obviously

With an event two weeks away you’ve traded in your Monday night glass of wine ( while watching the bachelorette, of course) for some detox water in an attempt to cleanse your body of toxins and guilt from last weekends poor life choices. It’s fine.  

There is absolutely nothing worse than coming off a three day weekend bender of vodka sodas, mini cupcakes, and iced white mochas and having to get back on the treadmill and eat a salad. You know all you wanna do is go get and in and out burger and satisfy your grease craving, since let’s be honest you’re still feeling your hangover even though it’s Tuesday…thanks for that mid twenties. 

But no, you have to be in a bikini, in Vegas in two weeks Betch, step away from the French fry and go drown your sorrows in an iced coffee coz that’s as close to junk food as you’re going to get. 

Then there are those health is a lifestyle bitches who don’t crave sweets, do yoga and get drunk off three vodka shots…all I have to say to them is … You can’t sit with us. 

For the Betch that needs a little motivation… If being photographed in a bikini and instagrammed isn’t enough motivation for you, hang a photo of the VS model in the bikini you just ordered online on your full length mirror….it will give you something to aspire too…trust. 

Also after staying sober for two weeks, your tolerance is low which means you’re consuming like half the normal amount of alcohol calories, right! Well that’s what we’re going to tell ourselves…

Once you’ve achieved your desired skinny Betch body it’s all about moderation… What is moderation you ask??  It means having a glass of wine and a slice of pizza during your Bachelorette viewing party (after a hardcore Monday gym sesh) Not  eating a box a pizza while consuming the entire bottle of wine. This rule goes not apply to Starbucks…it is always a Venti Iced Coffee…..always. Anyone who tells you that you need to moderate your coffee consumption is a negative presence and you don’t need that in your life! 

Stay Skinny Betches! 

The Biggest Lie Your Mom Told You 

  Sure there was Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny and the tooth fairy but those little white lies your mom told you brought you joy as child, so we’re willing to give her a pass on that. 

But remember back in middle school when the boys who liked you teased you relentlessly or when the mean girls wouldn’t let you sit at their table in high school because on wed they wore pink and you were wearing blue? You went home and cried to your mom and she told you when you got older it would get better? False, Mom. 

Myth # 1: Boys do not mature with age, at least not at an appropriate rate. In a combined trail and error dating test, my friends and I have determined that (at least in our experience) even at 34 (and below) “men” are still immature enough to be a complete pain in the ass to us as females. While the games have elevated from teasing you on the playground to the more sophisticated I’m going to be totally about you for two weeks and then drop off the face of the earth…either way, were still not impressed. Apparently when our moms told us that they would be less confusing and more mature as they age they said it hopefully rather than factually. Let’s be honest, you still question your dad’s maturity level at times….I’m not holding out much hope. If they are going to be immature and confusing let’s hope they can at least be hot and rich. Am I right,ladies!? 

Myth #2: Mean girls are still mean, they have just traded in their Jean mini skirts and flip flops for business casual ware and stilettos. The same girls that called you fat and slutty in high school (even though you were a size two virgin) are still mean girl but now with big boobs. However, now we just refer to them as bitches. The most epic fail in life was allowing grown up mom mean girls to have a Facebook…who decided that was ok? It has taken bullying to a whole new level! Now, not only do we have their terrorist daughters to deal with, their mean girl moms can bully right from their IPhone. There is nothing more perplexing than receiving and angry message from your boyfriend’s ex girlfriend’s mom….messaging you just  to let you know her perfect beautiful daughter is more amazing than you will ever be…nothing makes you pause and think wait what…but you’re a grown up?!… Faster than a 60 year old woman you’ve never met belittling you via Facebook message. Mean girl moms on Facebook, thanks but no thanks. And there is no way your electronicly challenged mom could have seen this one coming. 

There are exceptions to every rule: This should really go with out saying. But obviously, there is going to be the mean girl you run into at the bar during winter break and majorly drunk bond with because she has had a taste of her own bitchy medicine and learned the error of her ways.  The high school torment she inflicted on you is now a humerous anecdote you share at cocktail parties since you’ve become besties. 

And sure guys mature on tocertain level extent as they age. I received a Facebook message from my cheating, dirt bag, football player, high school boyfriend, apologizing for treating me crap…granted this was only after Karma served him with a big dose of his own cheating medicine. But still, on rare occasions Boys do show us that that have matured in some respect, it’s just typically ripped away from us shortly after in a tornado of confusion. 

Sorry to say mom, some things never change…some girls will always be bitches, and odds are we will never completely understand WTF guys are thinking, no matter how old they get. 

Thoughts All Betchy Girls Have 

  First of all, if you haven’t read the book. Nice is Just a Place in France, you should.

Second, If you say you haven’t thought all of these things to yourself at least once, then you’re probably lying…and you can’t sit with us. 
1. “I’m too pretty to work.” Yes, betch you are. I know that most of the time you’re like, “I am an independent women, hear me roar!” But while you’re out there actually being that independent woman and climbing the corporate ladder you’re thinking that it really isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. And what do you have to fall back on? Your good looks, obviously.  So you think to yourself, “I’m too pretty to work this hard…I need to marry rich”.  And who rubs it in better than you’re own mother. Your at the office and she texting you from the new Thai restaurant with her besties, after a morning of yoga and shopping. Not to mention the fact that she had no job obligations tying her down so your dad can whisk her off to Hawaii on a moments notice….why did I want to be an independent woman again? 

2. Starbucks should really deliver! You need your iced coffee and you need it now. You’re chained to your desk, if you leave the office things will fall apart and you can’t possibly wait until noon when you take your lunch. Starbucks should really have a delivery service, that employs only incredibly attractive delivery men, because we deserve eye candy with our iced coffee. I should really get a patent for this, I could make millions. 

3. I just reallllyyyy want to be skinny, and not have to work out, and be able to eat Taco Bell and In and Out and binge drink beer and vodka with out gaining weight. You know where you’ve been on a birthday diet consisting of only celery sticks and diet coke you’ve thought about how what you really want is to have a hot body while being able to eat whatever you want. Whoever said women need a man to have true happiness was so confused. True happiness is letting your inner fat kid take control and not suffering any consequences. Right after they cure cancer they need to get on this.

4. I’m literally dying. Yes, we know this is not the correct use of literally. We know we’re not actually physically dying. But we might as well be. We have a flare for the dramatic. Where it’s a horrific hangover or bitch of a caffeine withdrawal, you know you’ve thought (and said to anyone who will listen) that you’re literally dying. 

5. “I can’t even…” I can’t even being to tell you how many times a day this phrase runs through my mind, from then most obscure annoyance like a lack of coffee or the crazy baby mamma that plagues my existence, I can’t even. You know the Betchy girl you are tolerated nothing less than fabulousness and the annoying emails from your boss and the texts from your sexy ex are just too much for you sometimes and just like me, you can’t even. 

6.” I know I’m amazing but…” Lets be honest and give credit where it’s due, you’re awesome and sometimes that’s a problem…like when you’re trying to casually date and guys fall in love after four dates, I get it but I can’t even. Or like when your boss gives you an extra project because you’re amazing but there goes your thirsty Thursday plans, it’s gonna be a late night at the office. 

The Girl You Love to Hate

 

 If you were a fan of the original Teen Mom on MTV, like I was, you probably remember Lovable Maci, Ryan the hot bad boy, and their adorable baby boy Bentley. I was a huge a Maci fan! And even though Ryan was an ass, girls watching usually had a soft spot for him because he was so darn attractive.  And then along came Dalis, his new girlfriend. The girl we all loved to hate! She was shattering our hopes that the fairy tale we wanted, that Ryan and Maci would end up together, may not come to be true. She was for all intents and purposes the shows villan….but why?  It wasn’t Dalis that caused their break up, and she seems like a likable, hard working woman! 

You know how they say don’t judge until you’ve walked a mile in someone else’s shoes? Well it’s true…I judged Dalis… And then I found myself stumbling  through life in a gorgeous pair of strappy, hot pink stilettos that I had no idea how to walk in, or how much they would hurt my feet after walking a few miles. 

I found myself in a similar position to Dalis  and it me sick to think of how I judged her. I can’t even watch the show anymore, because after you’ve lived it, your point of view completely changes. 

Saying its not easy to be in a relationship that involves a child, custody battles and the struggle to co-parent and have all parties be civil with one another is the understatement of the century. It takes an incredibly strong, self aware, and confident individual to step into that situation and handle it with the class and grace it demands. And it’s easy to faulter and not take the high road when faced with challenges, judgement and rude, demeaning comments. Not to meantion what it means and the responsibility that comes with being in a child’s life. 

Maci and her friends had their moments of cattiness toward Dalis on the show, and in some respects she may have had a right too. Overall Maci handled Dallis being in Ryan and Bentley’s lives with acceptance and maturity. Which is a lot more than I can say for the “version of Maci” I’ve had to contend with. 

Dating a man with a son, I had a lot of people who were incredibly supportive. On the flip side I had friends and family meet that decision with criticism, judgement and commentary behind my back. Similar to the way I felt about Dalis when I watched the show. Looking back I’ve got to commend her, she stepped into the role of being Ryan’s girlfriend in front of America and probably felt the wrath of Maci fans every where. I had a hard enough time just dealing with the wrath of “my (slightly more evil version of) Maci” and her friends. 

Bottom line is all those things your mom told you about not judging a book by its cover or put yourself in the other person shoes before you judge them…well they were probably all true no matter how cliche. My sincerest apologies go out to Dalis, she was the girl we loved to hate and I truly feel bad about that. She really didn’t deserve it or do anything wrong and now that I’ve walked through life in a similar pair of shoes I see that. As for me, I’m not sure I’ll ever master the art of walking in these stilettos I tried on. 

Photo From: http://www.wetpaint.com/teen-mom/articles/2014-07-08-dalis-connell-talks-breakup-with-ryan-edwards