Monday Night Struggles: The Bachelor Bracket Saga Continues

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Kelsey’s attention whoring, most likely faux, panic attack has left our brackets hanging in the balance, with no rose ceremony and more drama than one bottle of red wine can combat. Looking at who’s left on my bracket I can’t help but think WTF?! …and Wow ABC, kudos to your editing skills!

My pick for the winner is Kelsey…I know right, how did I manage to pick the crazy bitch that everyone hates, to be my winner. This is where I tip my hat to ABC, the season previews skillfully hid her crazy. After going on and on about her “Amazing story” I’m left thinking either she’s making everything about her dead hubby up or she killed him! Who’s with me? I’m actually hoping for Chris’s sake that I lose. Also, does anyone else think Chris’s slight melt down pre-rose ceremony caused her to fake a panic attack in a desperate attempt to get a rose? She scares me.

Jade is my runner up. She’s so cute and sweet and I was seriously wishing I had picked her to win. Then I found out shy little Jade posed for play boy! Can’t wait for that bomb to drop. I’m betting Farmer Chris’s sisters will be shocked that the Cinderella they picked for their precious baby brother is moonlighting as a play boy model. All I could think looking at her nudie was, did she get hypothermia during the photo shoot??

Then there is Whitney, I’m thinking she might win but omfg her voice is annoying. Good luck listening to that! I’m pretty sure if he picked her, her type A personality would be running his tiny Iowa town in no time.

And Caitlin, she’s my pick for the next bachelorette. Cute, entertaining and she’s going to take one look at Chris’s home town and yell “just kidding”!

I think I could write a whole blog on how much I hate Ashley I! Every time she speaks I think “ohhh myyy godddd Ashley I STFU and stop crying you annoying whore.” I literally want to slap this girl every time she talks about being a virgin, cries, blinks because her eye lashes are sooooo fake, and when ever she has a jealous temper tantrum…so basically I want to slap her like the whole episode.

Every rose ceremony when he calls Samantha…I see her and go “who the F**k is that??” I think she’s said maybe five words the whole season. Has she ever even talked to Chris?? He’s been dropping girls like flies and yet she’s still here?? I’m confused.

Megan…I can’t tell if she’s always drunk or if she’s dumb as a post. Either way she’s adorable and I want to party with her…and explain that yes New Mexico is a state and Mexico is a country. Clearly a cute guy sat in front of her in geography.

Who the hell allowed Mackenzie to go on the Bachelor. She’s is 21 and acts about 12….stop talking about aliens and go home to your kid. I believe the show you were looking for was teen mom. Sorry not sorry.

Carly… I hope when she watches this back she counts how many times she says “like” every episode. “My like ex wouldn’t like touch me and like didn’t like know why”…that would be enough for me to not give her a rose. If she got rid of the incessant likes and stepped her eyebrow game up, I could root for her!

Becca, bachelor virgin #2…I have no complaints so far. She’s flying just under the radar and she could be a serious contender.

And last but not least, one of Farmer Chris’s favorites Britt. Did she really think she could pull a fast one on us? We know what nap means, as Kaitlyn would say, he plowed Britt’s field. All I could think when that door closed was “gosh I really hoped she showered.” She may have been make up ready at 4:30 AM but was she clean? One things for sure Britt is a dirty girl. Hearing her say she wanted 100 babies made me want Chris to pick her and turn her into a baby factory just to teach her a lesson about honesty.

I seriously can’t wait for the After the final rose because farmer Chris is going to be wondering why he kept Ashely I so long, and finally get to see how crazy Kelsey is…unless he picks her…coz she will probably murder him before the last episode airs.

Image via buzzfeed.com

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