In my opinion these perfect Disney Princess we grew up idolizing, dressing up as for Halloween, and watching on VHS over and over again are where we picked up some of our not so classy habits. And it all started with Cinderella….one thing I can say for sure there was obviously a cocktail hour before the ball that Disney cut out of the movie…
1. Walking home with no shoes. Where did we see it first? Cinderella, glass heels could not have been comfy to dance in. Her feet were hurting, and when that shoe came off, she said f**k it, and walked home barefoot, this is why we think as adults it’s acceptable to walk home shoeless from yhe club, through grimey streets.
2. Tequila makes her shoe’s fall off. How did her shoe come off in the first place? Let’s be honest like the rest of us Cinderella had one too many. If you’re leaving the club with one show, so have you.
3. He needed her shoe, because he couldn’t remember her face. If your Prince Charming needs your shoe to find you, because after dancing with you all night he still can’t remember your face…then he was obviously blacked out.
4. And if he thinks going to every girl in town and making them try on your shoe is how he is going to find you, then he probably woke up still drunk.
5. Who decided all step mothers were evil?? Disney….that’s a little rude. Just coz Cinderella’s step mom was a bitch doesn’t mean they all are.
6. Cinderella left the ball and woke up looking homeless again….well that’s true, after a night out most of us wake up looking homeless. Well I’ll give you that one Disney. Nailed it.
7. If you need someone to dress you, that not a fairy godmother….that’s a personal stylist. And normal people don’t have them. Sorry Cinderella.
8. Prince Charming of 2015 doesn’t need your shoe to find you. He needs Facebook. And thank goodness, because no one is going to go door to door looking for you after just a dance. So here’s to hoping your profile pic looks like you or Prince Charming is going to need help from Nev.
9. The ugly step sisters: the original mean girls. Cinderella is like a how to for all future mean girls. Name calling, outfit and social destruction. Clearly we have carried the ugly steps sisters around in our subconscious since we were three.
10. Mice are disease carrying rodents not friends. And man will not rescue you from your problems. And you are not a princess. Sorry Disney.