Skinny Betch Struggles 

  There is no struggle more real than that of a skinny Betch. It’s f***ing like June already and the past few months of  dieting and going to the gym, followed by binge drinking haven’t left you looking like like Jillian Michaels…oops…whatever. So You’ve set your sites on crash dieting before notable events …obviously

With an event two weeks away you’ve traded in your Monday night glass of wine ( while watching the bachelorette, of course) for some detox water in an attempt to cleanse your body of toxins and guilt from last weekends poor life choices. It’s fine.  

There is absolutely nothing worse than coming off a three day weekend bender of vodka sodas, mini cupcakes, and iced white mochas and having to get back on the treadmill and eat a salad. You know all you wanna do is go get and in and out burger and satisfy your grease craving, since let’s be honest you’re still feeling your hangover even though it’s Tuesday…thanks for that mid twenties. 

But no, you have to be in a bikini, in Vegas in two weeks Betch, step away from the French fry and go drown your sorrows in an iced coffee coz that’s as close to junk food as you’re going to get. 

Then there are those health is a lifestyle bitches who don’t crave sweets, do yoga and get drunk off three vodka shots…all I have to say to them is … You can’t sit with us. 

For the Betch that needs a little motivation… If being photographed in a bikini and instagrammed isn’t enough motivation for you, hang a photo of the VS model in the bikini you just ordered online on your full length mirror….it will give you something to aspire too…trust. 

Also after staying sober for two weeks, your tolerance is low which means you’re consuming like half the normal amount of alcohol calories, right! Well that’s what we’re going to tell ourselves…

Once you’ve achieved your desired skinny Betch body it’s all about moderation… What is moderation you ask??  It means having a glass of wine and a slice of pizza during your Bachelorette viewing party (after a hardcore Monday gym sesh) Not  eating a box a pizza while consuming the entire bottle of wine. This rule goes not apply to Starbucks…it is always a Venti Iced Coffee…..always. Anyone who tells you that you need to moderate your coffee consumption is a negative presence and you don’t need that in your life! 

Stay Skinny Betches! 

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Stitch Fix Review: From Skeptic to Addict 

For months I listened to my bestie go on and on about Stitch Fix. I’d never heard of it, when she explained it was a personal stylist that sent her clothes and accessories it made me think of all this obnoxious commercials for Just Fab.com the show stylist. I worried that it wouldn’t fit right, it wouldn’t be my style, it would be too expensive, it would be a hassle to send back or a waste of money. Frankly, I thought I could do better myself. She sent me pictures of her in the adorable, fabulous fitting clothes, and I was curious. She sent me a gift card for my birthday and I took the plunge. Now I’m obsessed totally addicted. (Pieces pictured throughout) 

The process was simple. I filled out a questionnaire about my style, what I wear on a daily basis. They get specific from if you dress business casual and how frequently and if your a mom etc. They give you pictures to rate and a way to link it to your Pinterest to insure that they get your style on point. And they ask you a whole lot of questions regarding your size and how you like things to fit and what parts of your body you like to show off. It’s in depth  to say the least. At the end you put in your card info, they charge a 25 dollar styling fee which they credit back toward anything you keep. (I know what you’re thinking …that alone would have stopped me if I hadn’t had a gift card). Finally, you can leave a not for your stylist letting them know if you’d like anything specific from the stitch fix Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest or blog. If you like anything specific, animal print, leather, etc. Or if there is a special event, trip or occasion you want a special piece for. I told them I love animal print, leather, business casual with an edge and a cute date night pieces.  

 

They absolutely nailed my first fix! I got a dress that can seamlessly go from business casual at the office to date night with leather detailing. A classy sleeveless leapord print blouse that again can be dressed up for work or fun and casual for a night out! And shockingly…a pair of fabulous “Just Black” dark wash skinny jeans that fit my 4’11 frame and short legs perfectly, something I thought could not be done. I was impressed. I also got an amazing leather jacket with side zip detail. Finally, an adorable statement necklace that went perfectly with my dress. And the best part about it if you keep all five pieces you get a 20% discount. Total I paid about 200 dollars for my first fix. It’s been my most expensive one so far. I’m not the kind of girl that normally drops 200 dollars on clothes but these pieces were beyond worth it. If I had heard the price before I probably wouldn’t have done it.  

 

Each fix comes with a note from your stylist and pictures showing two different ways to wear each piece.bi really appreciated that, it was helpful and the note made it feel more personal. You know those pieces were carefully picked just for you. 

You receive  an email after your fix arrives. You check out online, let them know what your keeping and what you’re sending back. They charge you for the pieces you’re keeping! Also, you answer questions about what you like about each piece, how it fit, etc. it helps them know what improvements to make and what they did right for your next fix. 

 

My second fix was not quite as successful. I got two amazing blouses that I’m in LOVE with! I asked for something a little sexier and a little more low cut for a date night or night out look and they hit the nail on the head! The other was a color block blouse that I had pinned in a similar color on my Pinterest. Also another gorgeous statement necklace. I got a dress that wasn’t my style and not the right fit, but I loved the color. And a skirt that was tribal print, something I like but it didn’t fit right and the material wasn’t me. I sent them both back. It was super easy. It comes with a prepaid bag, you put the clothes in it and drop it at the post off. It’s a hassle free experience! I was pleasantly surprised!  

 

My third piece I had a new stylist and another success! I kept all five prieces! I can’t wait for my next fix! I’m amazed at how well the pieces fit after answering a few questions online. Also it’s amazing how well someone else is able to choose pieces that are my style! I highly recommend it! Click below for a referral and order your fix today! 

https://www.stitchfix.com/referral/4414453

WTF Moments:Giving Pretty Girls Wrinkles by 30

 

 Today was one of those days…I’ve come to the realization that because of days like today I will need Botox by the time I’m 30. A very tiny thin barely noticeable line has appeared and made itself at home on my forehead. 

You know how they say resting bitch face keeps you pretty? It’s true. I have chronic resting bitch face…a disease which I’ve come to accept. Unfortunately, my next most common face is the eye brow raise…. You know the face…caused by what I like to call “WTF moments” …you know the ones caused by stupidity or excessivness and followed by the phrase, “I can’t!”….yeah, with each eye-brow raise this f**king wrinkle becomes more deeply engraved on my forehead and I blame stupid, excessive  people.

Here are my top five reasons why pretty girls need Botox by 30….

1. Co-workers. They are without a doubt my number one reason, I can’t even tell you how many temper tantrums and e-mails cause me to raise my eyebrows each and every day …for extended periods of time. It baffles me the lack of professionalism that is allowed in the work place. I had a co-worker storm out of a meeting and yell “I’m over it”….not one of us knew why, I can’t even tell you how long my eyebrows were raised in utter shock! Or girls who cry hysterically because cause were told they were incorrect or made a mistake….and not just once, Every. Single. Time. I just can’t…but unfortunately my eyebrows can. And then there is that guy…. the guy that hits on you via work email…I just wanna respond….”you know our boss can see this right” …and yes this is sexual harassment…and now the break room is in perpetual state awkwardness and eyebrow raises. So thanks for the wrinkle buddy! 

2. When you check your bank account….either way there is going to be an eye brow raise of epic proportions! It’s either a WTF happy, shocked, I have way more money than I thought and I deserve a treat, eye brow raise or it’s a WTF how did I spend so much money I can’t afford a Starbucks tomorrow morning, eye brow raise. Only like 3% of the time do you actually think “oh ya that’s what I thought” when you look at your bank statement. You can thank your after 3 glasses of wine online shopping addiction for that…you know who you are.

3. When my boyfriend eats my food…I have six siblings, they eat a lot more than I do, this has turned me into a food hoarder…well kinda. My BF makes me dinner and gives the standard boy girl portions…so he has way more then me…and then he has the nerve  to reach over and grab the egg off my salad…OMG….the wrinkle that eyebrow raise gives me is the reason he will be paying for my Botox someday! 

4. Exes….when your ex sends you selfie snapchats asking  how you are…and a few hours later they send you a snuggley snap of them with their new GF…wtf is wrong with you? My eyebrows are permanently stuck in this position because you are clearly a sociopath…weirdo. Then I raise my eyebrows again…so I can ponder why I dated you!                                             And then their is his ex, the jealous ex girl friend who shows up at bars to see what you look like, because yes, you really are that beautiful in person, and then trashes you on her Facebook, calling you things like slut and troll. Sadly, yes, these are also wrinkle causing moments, my eyebrows are raised because she’s a stalker…and then I add to my laugh lines because it’s kind of hilarious.

5. When retail therapy goes wrong. It was one of those days where, your coworkers suck, traffic was horrible, your boyfriend forgot to change your reservation coz you had to work late and you stop by target on your way home…every woman’s happy place. You go in for a bottle of white wine and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s to drown your sorrows. And then you see the most adorable pair of shoes, there is one pair left, they are your size and on sale for 20 bucks. It’s like the shoe sale God’s put them there just for you…so obviously your broke, you don’t get paid for another week…and obviously you need to text your BFF to make sure they are cute enough to buy….and because your day sucks that bitch (and you call her that with so much love) decides to pick now to have a life and not text you back. Whyyyy…so you complain to your boyfriend…and he says “baby you deserve the shoes, you should buy them”. The person who judges the amount you shop the most, just made you feel ok about your purchase…it’s moments like this that remind you why you keep that adorable boy around. Your day is turning around! You check out, and you’re slightly surprised by the total. You glance at the receipt when you get home and notice despite the sale sign you just paid FULL PRICE for those beautiful  on sale, Gift from the Retail God’s shoes….so you raise your eyebrows at that receipt and contemplate what to do next. Then you finally come to the conclusion that you should screw the extra ten bucks and open that bottle of wine…to relax your face muscles obviously….

And that ladies and gents is why I will someday need Botox….what can we take away from this??  We can thank wine for the help until it’s time to get those lovely Botox injections. Did I mention I hate needles???