Omg why is this happening…you know you’ve uttered those words dramatically as you’ve faced a problem that feels like the absolute end of the world. We’re drama queens and we own it, the world just might end of we don’t get our soy latte this morning. While it may seem insane to people who are struggling with real issues…let’s say hunger for example…these are first world probs we’ve all treated as if they are as serious as the spread of Ebola.
1. When Apple came out with the new IPhone charger for the 5. We’re they just trying to screw with us? There was a comfort in knowing no matter whose house you were at there was going to be a cord to charge you’re phone with. Because let’s be honest whether it was a first generation iPod or the iPhone, everyone owns at least one apple product. Now we have to carry a charger with us wherever we go, because being at risk of your phone dying is simply not an option.
2. Not all hotel rooms have hair dryers…WHAT!?!? Now I know you’re probably asking yourself “what kind of cheap ass hotel did she stay in”…it was a suite at the Hard Rock hotel in San Diego. This is not a fluke thing, I’ve stayed at several hotels that we’re lacking in the hair dryer department. It was so nice knowing it was one less thing I had to pack. Instead I show up at my suite, shower to go out and I’m stuck with wet hair…do you know how long hair takes to air dry!?!? And then it doesn’t style the same way…this is a freakin’ crisis people! So now I’m left packing a hair dryer every time I go on vacation to avoid this catastrophe. And a hair dryer takes up a lot of room in the over crowded suitcase my boyfriend is judging me for…which brings me to my next point.
3. Packing. It’s a crisis all it’s own. I’m physically incapable of not overpacking. I pack a full size suitcase for a weekend getaway. I need an outfit and shoes for any situation I may find myself in. And I don’t believe in travel size products. I’m not going to go pay 8 bucks for the mini can of Bed Head hairspray when I have a perfectly good full size can right here, it’s coming with me. I need what I need and I’ve just become used to the feeling of shame that comes over me when my boyfriend gives me a look of disgust when he sees my suitcase. And then he always seems slightly perturbed that he then has to lug my excessive suitcase up to the hotel room, when we’re only going out of town for the weekend. To which I simply say ..”you knew I was high maintenance when you met me”…and look out, coz now the hair dryer is coming too so that suitcase just got a little heavier babe! #sorrynotsorry
4. Stepping into Starbucks should be the best part of your day, but two very key things can go wrong…causing you great pain in a place that is supposed to be filled with joy.
FWP #1: you walk up to the counter, you order your Sugar-Free Vanilla Latte and they tell you they are out of sugar free vanilla syrup. Your eyes flash over the menu In a panic and think what the hell am I going to do now!?!? You have ten seconds to ponder before you feel anxiety about holding up the line!! Do you go to the gym for an extra 30 min cuz you drank the vanilla latte full of fat and sugar. What do you do?? It’s a day ruiner Starbucks, thanks. All I wanted was the sugar free vanilla but no and now I’m wracked with guilt over all the calories I’ve consumed.
FWP #2: You’re feeling festive, you’ve ordered a Grande Non-Fat, no whip, Peppermint Mocha, the barista calls out your name , you take a sip…and you taste whole milk and whipped cream. WHYYY!?!? You check the cup, it says right there, NF in the milk box! And then in other box WC with a big line through it…why the hell do you bother to write it down if you’re not going to read it! On the inside you’re livid, but still you stand there and wonder if you’re really going to be the bitch who tells them to remake your drink. They always are so nice and tell you they will remake anything but you know if you do they will hate you…forever (you would hate you too) and you can’t have that because you’re here three times a week. So you leave feeling sad …and fat because you know you’re going to drink it anyway!. #FML
5. When Netflix takes away a show. Ummm…didn’t you know I was watching that?? They took away Mean Girls…sure I own it but I liked knowing I could watch it whenever! And KUWTK isn’t on there anymore. I went to relive the magic of Kim K and Reggie Bush but noooo….who makes these ridiculous decisions Netflix??? That person should be fired. You could watch a show anytime, anywhere and now it’s just gone?!? And you can judge my guilty pleasure shows all you want but you know it’s happened to you and that you reacted like your civil rights had just been violated.
6. Your make-up has been discontinued. It took you FOREVER to find the perfect shade of MAC lipstick, you go into the store, you ask for help and they tell you it’s been moved to the back because it’s been discontinued. Suddenly you’re stockpiling like its 1999. Do they know how long it took you to find the perfect shade of red. It was red enough to make a statement with out making you look like a whore! You’d just gotten all attached and now MAC is breaking up with you. Or even worse you go into Target looking for the Cover Girl foundation you’ve been using since you were 15. It matches perfectly and there is a perfect shade for after you’ve been tanning too. And it’s just GONE! Can they even do that????? They no longer carry it. You’ve been in a codependent relationship with Cover Girl for 10 years and they are screwing you over. It’s wrong.
7. It’s a phenomenon we’ve all dealt with, a 30 min shower and half a bottle of Skintimate you’re legs are perfectly shaved, all soft and smooth. It was a lot of work but you’re proud of your accomplishment. You step one foot out of the shower and then it happens… Goosebumps… Why God Why!? All that effort and shaving cream for nothing, the prickles are
Back….fail. And there’s nothing you can do about it.
8. You and your girl are having a wine night in. You polish off the bottle, you open the fridge to find there’s no more wine. You drank two bottles already? But the night is young! You knew better this has happened before, you tell yourself you don’t need the third bottle …you always do. In fact you should probably spring for a box next time at the rate your going but what do you do now?? You can’t drive, calling a cab would be a level of alcoholism you won’t admit to ( though you’ve thought about it). So you rummage through the fridge find some beer and pout because you wanted wine. The moral of this story is BevMo should deliver like Dominos. They would make a killing.
9. Pandora only let’s you skip so many songs. Why do you care how many songs I skip pandora? It’s not my fault you played a bunch of songs that sucked or that I didn’t want to listen to? Why should I be penalized?? It’s rude! I told you what I liked when I pick the station. Now I’m forced to find a new station or suffer though more of your poor choices. For what reason, idk?!
10. You’ve done all you’re face make up, foundation, powder, bronzer, blush…the works. You’re skin is looking flawless, you go to apply mascara and boom. You had some sort of spasm that caused you to touch your cheek with the tip of the mascara and now there is big black smudge blemishing you’re formerly perfect face. A wave of panic comes over you, if you don’t handle this correctly you’ll make it worse and then you’re going to have to break out the make up wipes and start all over. You’re morning is ruined, you’re now going to be late for work because odds are you’re doing to re-do you’re entire face thanks to one slip up with the mascara brush. Great.
You know you’ve been dramatic at least once over all these lovely first world problems were plagued with on a daily basis. And I pretty much guarantee that there will be a part two when I find more shallow, inane things to complain about.
thatgirltrisha 