Bad Boys are Bad Habits

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It’s the age old question…Good Guys vs. Bad Boys. (I’m seriously channeling my inner Carrie Bradshaw for this one.) Bad boys are the hardest habit to break…but why? Are women just gluttons for punishment or is there a bad boy high we just can’t get from a good guy?

Bad boys are never boring, you’re on a constant roller coaster ride of highs and lows, ergo you never lose that spark. That intensity that you feel at the beginning of all relationships feels ever lasting, comparing it to the fading spark that comes with being in a relationship with a good guy is unfair and unrealistic.

The giddy, on top of the world feeling women derive from compliments and attention bad boys give stems from the fact that they aren’t really “ours”. You don’t have the comfort of knowing he’s he will always be there, you’re in a constant competition with every other woman in the room. He is not your boyfriend and no matter how you feel, what he says, or what you tell yourself…he’s probably just a guy you roll in the sheets with.

At some point every woman grows in maturity and walks away (or takes an extended vacation) from the off and on dramatic saga of being in a pseudo relationship with a bad boy and finds herself a good guy. It’s like a chronic illness, they show up when you least expect it and throw your life into a tail spin. Don’t let them. You’ve found your stable, dependable and adoring good guy….and then your bad boy comes out of the wood work to comment on your photo and tell you how good you look, as if he’s been pining for you all this time. When really he’s been whoring around. He has not changed and never will…but all those feelings rush back anyway making you think he was always truly your soul mate. But he probably isn’t …do you ever ask yourself how you’d feel about him if he wasn’t so bad??

Bad boys are never really there for you, they don’t stay in and watch Netflix, they don’t make you breakfast in bed, or take care of you when your sick. They are only around for fun, drinks, bed time, and drama. You don’t see them daily, they aren’t with you through the good, bad and the ugly. There is no time for them to become a part of your monotonous daily routine. Consistency kills the magic …it’s an unfortunate part of life. A good guy will work on keeping the magic alive over time. A bad boy will be on to the next…probably before you even know the spark went out.

So why is it that women always feel like leaving the toxic bad boy and his spark behind is some form of settling? Probably because in the back of your mind you know that nothing will ever compare to the feeling that came with absolute uncertainty, cheating, lies and deceit that led to passionate make ups. And almost all women have a bad habit of looking back in their tumultuous relationship and only remember the good times. So are women absolute relationship masochists?? The ones that sacrifice constant happiness (even if it’s less exciting) with a good guy to go back to a bad boy probably are just a little bit.

That said any women who has had a tortured on and off romance with a bad boy is a lot like a recovering drug addict. It’s mind over matter. No matter how bad you crave the high you have to fight it, because relapsing with turn your life upside down, you’ll hurt people you care about…for a brief fling that will once again leave you rock bottom….a place that you called home once upon a time. And that wasn’t fun the the first 50 times was it? It may take years to realize but a truly grown woman will choose the good guy at the end of the day.

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“Are We Sluts?” -Carrie Bradshaw

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Thank you Carrie Bradshaw for posing that loaded question! As Miranda was reeling over how many men she was going to have to call to find out how she managed to contract an STD, it got me wondering…is there a universal definition for what makes a slut a slut?

At this point how seriously can we even take the word? Most girls would call a virgin a slut if they are jealous of her or dislike her. It’s also a favorite term of endearment among girls. So what exactly do we do to have such a title bestowed upon us?

I think it depends on where you are. In po-dunk no where Mississippi having sex with anyone before you’re married might make you a slut. Watching the Tyra Banks show once I learned people in NY have the highest number of sexual partners, at double the national average. Yeah, Cali girls that includes us…for the win! (Or loss depending on how you look at it).

I did a little research on this particular topic…because as charming as my opinion is on it’s own, I like facts because I like to win arguments (haters gonna hate). According to an article on NYdailynews.com the Sex & the City girls did not rack up the stats you would think…

“Of the four women, public relations exec Samantha racked up the most sexual partners. She bedded 41 men and one woman, while Carrie hooked up with 18, Charlotte 18 and Miranda 17.”

Ummmm that’s not that high…at least not as high as I was expecting? I mean they were supposed to be a tad slutty and sexually empowered, right? In the article, previously quoted, an NY woman states she stopped counting when she reached 56….are you trying to tell me someone in real life topped the great sex pot Samantha Jones?? What!?!?

I may have a generous perspective because I went to Chico State…hearing someone had upped their infamous number three times between Tuesday and Sunday or had surpassed Carrie, Miranda and Charlotte wasn’t exactly shocking. I’m far more shocked by Carrie, Charlotte and Miranda to be perfectly honest. (Really though…the show was called SEX and the city.) I firmly believe where you live puts your inner slut in perspective. In a college town or big city, a number like 18 doesn’t warrant much judgement…but upon returning home for the holidays you may want to plead the fifth, or at least confess last. Your girlfriends who never left town, and are soon to be engaged to their high school
Sweetheart (and one and only sexual partner) might find your number to be appalling…I mean just yesterday they called the girl who works at the pinkberry and just slept with a second guy a slut. Yeah girl…keep your mouth shut or lie!

There is plenty to be said for women who have escaped the title of slut! Sex is supposed to be a meaningful experience after all. NY Daily quoted exotic dancer Crystal in defense of the good girl…(unlikely source..I know right).

“The women on ‘Sex and the City’ went through so many guys they devalued sex….I’ve seduced thousands of men, but my actual number of sex partners is one, maybe one and a half. Sex should be special.”

Funny thing…I’m betting most people?upon hearing Crystal’s profession, would call her a slut. Well there’s some irony for ya, huh?

Then there’s the good old advice you get from mom. When you tell a slutty story about someone you know and she says…”young girls don’t realize what they’re doing, they are someday going to have to tell the man they marry that they’ve slept with 20
Other men” she also gave us the “they won’t but the cow if you give them the milk for free.” All true…thanks mom.

But I can’t help but wonder if momma’s advice is preaching a double standard. So it’s up to the guy if he’s cool with how many men we’ve been with but we are supposed to be fine if he whored it up?? Ummm…no thank you! Ladies hold him to the same standards as he holds you!

I’ll leave you with this…According to NY daily sluts have some lovely qualities..
“Women with higher numbers tend to be more educated, have more liberal views and higher self-esteem,”

So what constitutes a slut? I still don’t freaking know! Another one of life’s great mysteries… Maybe they will make a Sex & The City 3 and Carrie can finally give us a real answer. For now C’est La Vie.

Quotes from: http://m.nydailynews.com/entertainment/sex-city-number-sex-partners-true-new-york-life-article-1.326644#bmb=1
Photo credit: http://pinterest.com/pin/A1KRRQAQwO0CcyqtCMIAAAA/