Oh the difference a sibling (or 6) makes

2015/01/img_0897.jpg
Several of my 20 something friends are tying the knot and immediately jumping into bed to make babies! While I’m so excited to plan baby showers for them and to hold adorable newborns, I am also more than happy to hand the little one back the moment crying ensues! Possibly because I am the oldest 7. The six littles ones have made me all two familiar with motherhood, and anyone who was older when their siblings were born knows these same situations all too well! While we may be well equipped to handle motherhood someday our little siblings have not made us too eager to get there.

1.Only children and those close In age to their siblings won’t recall what it’s like being trapped in a car with a screaming baby or toddler throwing a temper tantrum. At 16 I remember wanted to jump out the window on the freeway when my 6 month old brother was shrieking, for no apparent reason. Nothing pushes you to the brink of your sanity faster than being locked in a car with a toddler who is kicking the back of your seat and screaming at the top of his lungs because he wants a happy meal.

2. I’m not in a rush to be a soccer mom because I’ve already been a soccer sister. I’ve been dragged out of bed at an ungodly hour on Saturday mornings to shuttle one of my siblings to soccer. Too many kids, too many games at the same time, poor mom can’t get to all of them so sister is an acceptable stand in. I work hard and I’d like to spend a few more years sleeping in on Saturday…after all it’s the day of pre-rest right?

3. They may be tiny and cute but they are ragingly expensive. From club soccer fees to prom dresses, I’ve heard my siblings come home demanding cash for it all. Not to mention you have to feed and clothe them and all that too. Right now I’d rather spend my extra cash on an expensive hand bag and take my baby brother out for froyo on the weekend than pay for a little one of my own.

4. Being 5-16 years older than my siblings I’ve spent a lot of time baby sitting! This has left me loving my freedom! From being able to shop without holding a hand to living entirely on my own schedule. Children tend to be on a fairly demanding time schedule. My parents recently went to Hawaii, I was in charge of 5 kids from 17-8 and let me tell at the end of the vacation, I wasn’t sure I wanted to have kids ever. Even at 15 they can pick up after themselves, and the little ones need help with homework and lunches and getting to and from school. It’s exhausting, I have a hard enough time with just myself. It gave me a whole new respect for my mom, and the fact that she doesn’t drink an bottle of wine to herself nightly. Needless to say I was ready for a Grande Marg upon their arrival.

5. When I go out to dinner whether it’s for a date night or girls night, I am looking for a grown up good time….and nothing kills the vibe more than a family with tiny tots, yelling, crying and climbing on the table eliciting stares from restaurant goers. While my friends who are only children are shooting them dirty looks, how dare they take their children out to dinner, I avoid staring in their direction and instead of a glare I give the mom a sympathetic look and smile. I do this because remember what it was like being 14 and having 5 year old twins and a infant dining out with me, I know exactly how mortified that poor mom is because I was that mortified older sister. And at the end of the evening I get to leave the restaurant childless and that poor mom has to go home with those wild children.

6. I’ve seen my mom bend over backwards to make my siblings happy with out so much as a thank you, let alone the acknowledgment that she rearranged her whole schedule to drive them to practice or she just bought them new cleats that cost as much as my car payment. I think I would rather stick to my thankless job, at least I get to leave at 5 and I get paid for my over time.

I love kids but growing up with them made me acutely aware that those cute little bundles of joy are expensive, loud, hindrances to fun. While I’m sure their are an abundance of joys you experience as a parent that I could relate to, like how proud I was of my baby bro the first time I saw him score a goal in soccer, or when I saw my little sister, one of my closest friends, graduate from high school with tears in my eyes…when it comes time to get married I will be busy planning my honeymoon in Venice, not planning pregnancies. This girl is in no hurry to have a screaming baby in the backseat of her car…so a big thanks to all my siblings for my views on motherhood.

Advertisements

25 Things Girls Want Guys to Know

2015/01/img_0670.png
I recently read an article on collegetimes.com, 30 Things Guys Wish Girls Knew. They asked for a rebuttal… Dear College Times and all guys out there here is what we would like you to know.

1. If we ask a question like Does this make me look fat? or Do you think she’s hot? You LIE!! If we we wanted the truth we wouldn’t be asking you.

2. Saying “I’m on my period.” is a 100% legit excuse for any and every crazy thing we may do during that god awful time of the month. From binge eating to crying and bitching..if value you your life you will accept this excuse.

3. If it’s not your credit card were swiping you have absolutely no right to have an opinion about our shopping and/or spending habits. No comments, questions or jokes about how much we shop or what we buy. We are independent women and we will shop if we want to! We reserve the right to buy that gorgeous coral Kate Spade bag as long as our paycheck allows!

4. BJ’s are a privilege not a right. Enough said.

5. Not all girls hate sports, if your girlfriend doesn’t understand that Sundays are for football and baseball season is a three hour, almost daily commitment…then maybe you should find a new girlfriend…one who doesn’t ask things like How many innings are there in football?

6. If we watch a 3 hour baseball game with you…you better happily and quietly sit through The Bachelor with us…or invest in a second TV for the sake of your relationship.

7. Birthday’s are a BIG deal. If you forget the date we met or our anniversary (unless were married) it’s a forgivable offense. If you forget our birthday, you suck and you don’t deserve to see us naked….ever again.

8. Gifts. If we love you we will wear a hideous sweater or piece of jewelry because you took the time to pick it out for us. And from then on we will give you serious guidance. If you don’t get us anything or you put no effort in we will know and not only will we hate you but so will our sister, our mom, and our BFF. You’ve been warned.

9. We don’t come right out and tell you things because it doesn’t count if we have to tell you to do it. We want you to think of it yourself. And we reserve the right to pout if you get it wrong.

10. If we spend 100 dollars on lingerie and 30 min trying to put it on perfectly, we’d really appreciate it if you waited more than 30 seconds to rip it off. Take a good long look, a lot of time, money, and self deprecation went into looking like a stripper for you.

11. Yes, we do need to get our hair done every 8 weeks…and we do need to spend the afternoon in Sephora finding the perfect lipstick or eyeshadow pallet. Chances are we didn’t look like a homeless gremlin when you met us and contrary to popular belief we do not wake up like this. So save your eye rolling.

12. Flowers are not just for F**k ups and anniversaries. We like them all the time. Just sayin.

13. Sometimes we run late. You may think you know what it’s like to have a bad hair day but you and your two inches of hair don’t know the true meaning of it. You may think that smearing mascara across your eyeshadow is a girl problem but to us it’s a freakin’ tragedy! And these things take time. So be patient with us when we run late to meet you, better yet come pick us up and prove chivalry is not dead.

14. When you order a drink for us at the bar with out asking what we want…we know you’re trying to be sweet and thoughtful but what you order us does not always have to be mixed with cranberry juice…some of us even like beer.

15. We love surprises we don’t need to be prepared for. Coffee, flowers, chocolate etc. If you expect us to try and dress for a surprise prepare to play 20 questions.

16. Too much jealousy is a huge turn off. No…no was not looking at him, my male coworkers do not hit on me and while I do think Matthew McConaughey is sexy I don’t compare you to him.

17. No one would nag if you just did it the first time we asked. You have the power to stop the nagging.

18. Do not ever under any circumstances call us crazy. Calling us crazy is like an open invitation to show you just how bat sh*t crazy we can be. This is for your own good.

19. If we love you we won’t fake it, we will instruct you, as ego crushing as it may be we’re not willing to risk deceiving you into thinking you’re great when you suck. If we just want you to leave we will fake it as fast and loud as we can. You’re welcome.

20. Sometimes we are going to want a
Burger and other times were going to diet. If we tell you were on a diet and then want McDonalds the next day, DO NOT remind us we went on a diet the day before. Our eating habits are like an emotional roller coaster, and you’re along for the ride. Just go with it.

21. If we text you we expect a timely, appropriate response. If we wrote you a novel, texting back “okay” 45 minuets later is not acceptable.

22. When we say, I don’t care, do whatever you want…” this absolutely does not mean do what you want. It means “danger Will Robinson Danger”…abort mission, I repeat, abort mission! Do.Not.Do.It.

23. We don’t believe you when you tell us you like us better with no make up on. That’s just weird. Saying you like us in sweats we’ll take because we know our ass look amazing in yoga pants.

24. Never refer to any of our friends as “Your hot friend [insert name here]”. Why you ask? Try it and find out.

25. Almost nothing works both ways. Just because we expect you to do the above does not mean we will always extend you the same courtesy. It’s the one double standard we get. Accept it.

Check out the article, 30 things guys wish girls knew at http://collegetimes.com/2014/01/07/rules-guys-wish-girls-knew

The Bachelor: Till Rose Ceremony Do Us Part

2015/01/img_0667.png
It’s Bachelor Monday and you know what that means, enjoying a glass of wine while mocking the contestants and adding up the points from my bracket. Yes, we have a Bachelor bracket, like basketball bracket. It’s taken my obsession to a whole new level. I can now bet on the girls I’m judging from the comfort of my couch! Yay!
I am teased relentlessly for watching this show. I’ve been watching it since I was 12, I’m in a long term committed relationship with The Bachelor. I’ve been watching it for half my life and my Monday nights feel empty with out it…only other bachelor superfans will be able to relate to all the awesomeness! But we don’t watch for the reasons you think.

First of all, I’m not delusional, I do not think I’m watching a magical love story unfold. Sure there are adorable moments that make us swoon and fall in love right along with them. Anyone can fall in love away from real life on exotic vacations and fancy free dates…and apparently 10 other women. But it actually is exciting to see the couples who last and can take their relationship from beaches and helicopters back home to jobs and dishes. Let us all remember Trista and Ryan, Bachelorette season 1 success. Also Ashley and JP from one of the more recent Bachelorette seasons. (Sensing a patter? Yes, girls do choose better than guys). But Sean and Catherine are still adorable and going strong from the recent Bachelor past.

Second, finding love on TV is going to bring all the hot, crazy bitches out of the woodwork and we LOVE it. That’s what makes it so funny and fun to watch. All these crazy women vying for one mans attention is great television. Judge me if you want but I will happily sip my wine and judge, mock, and love these crazy bitches all season long. From the girls you love to the girls you love to hate, it’s pure entertainment.

Third, he’s hot and has good job….there is obviously something wrong with him. No seriously there is something wrong with him. How many, hot enough to be on tv, men with their shit together do you know that say things like “I’m ready for love” and are running around still single if they don’t want to be? None, huh? Yeah, that’s what I thought ! I mean it’s like a disaster waiting to happen. Through out the season you get to discover his flaws and root for your favorite crazy girl to win because you love their matching levels of dysfunction. Now I’ll give this seasons Bachelor a little credit, maybe his soul mate isn’t in a town of 400 people in Iowa, but will it be on The Bachelor? I have my doubts.

Fourth, you’ve gotta love the anticipation during the rose ceremony. There is nothing I love more than Chris Harrison coming out and announcing, that this is the final rose. Even though we can all see there is only one rose left on his table. Thanks for the dramatic affect Chris! You know you sit there nervous to hear your favorites name get called. And absolutely reeling when he calls the name of the two faced crazy girl everyone hates, every season has one. You find yourself screaming at the tv, “he’s not going to find love if he picks her!” And nothing says I’ve found love like hearing your name called among 15 other women. I’m
mean and I love to watch the girls embarrass themselves and cry after the rose ceremony…Why didn’t he pick me? I was here for all the right reasons She thought they were a match made in heaven until he didn’t call her name. *sigh*

Finally, the show has taken on a life of it’s own. Between The Bachelor viewing party’s you have with your girls and the new level we’ve achieved with our brackets it’s an excuse for a good time. It’s one of the few shows most of my girlfriends still watch and whether it’s getting everyone together or FaceTimeing during the show it’s a two hour excuse to hang out and drink wine with your girls. And if you really want to have a good time there is The Betches Love The Bachelor Drinking Game (http://www.betcheslovethis.com/article/betches-love-this-bachelor-drinking-game ) Ladies you are welcome! Enjoy!

Photo credit: http://abc.go.com/shows/the-bachelor/episode-guide

Sisters…it’s a love-hate thing

Sisters…I have 5 younger ones. So I’d say that makes me an expert! There is no relationship like it, one moment she’s your BFF and the next you wanna slap that bitch. You’d do anything for each other, including push each other to the brink of insanity.

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/8a9/80743619/files/2015/01/img_0475.jpg
When you haven’t seen her in a while…there’s no one you’re more excited to see.

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/8a9/80743619/files/2015/01/img_0478.jpg
Because you get to laugh with her…or at her.

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/8a9/80743619/files/2015/01/img_0481.png
And gossip with her…

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/8a9/80743619/files/2015/01/img_0474.jpg
You get to pass judgement…out of love of course.

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/8a9/80743619/files/2015/01/img_0477.jpg
And laugh at her pain just because you’re the only person that can.

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/8a9/80743619/files/2015/01/img_0476.jpg
And then destroy whoever caused it…

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/8a9/80743619/files/2015/01/img_0484.jpg
You like her selfies…even though you know how stupid she looked while taking them.

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/8a9/80743619/files/2015/01/img_0479-0.png
You steal each others stuff, and lie because they have such good style you’re not planning on giving it back. (This by far is my least favorite part about having sisters)

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/8a9/80743619/files/2015/01/img_0482-0.png

Sisters, you’d kill for them…and sometimes you just want to kill them! The definition of a love-hate relationship.

Photo credit:
Instagram: @betches
Www.pinterest.com
Www.memecenter.com

Friends: How weird is the Pilot Episode?!

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/8a9/80743619/files/2015/01/img_0443-0.png

Welcoming 2015 by binge watching Friends on Netflix. I cannot think if a better New Years gift, thank you Netflix. Nursing my hangover, cuddled up in bed with a cup of coffee and Friends. I thought I’d seen every episode 50+ times. Apparently that was not the case with the pilot! Here’s a few thoughts I am sure everyone can relate to!

1. Omg Rachel’s wedding dress is hideous. I can’t even talk about the vail.

2. So weird seeing Rachel and Monica before they were besties.

3. Joey’s hair LOL …why?

4. Monica is wearing suspenders. Watching this is going to force me to relive all the horrible fashion blunders of the 90’s.

5. Rachel’s hair was definitely not up to par this first episode. So much for the famous Rachel cut!

6. I love how awkward chandler is.

7. Joey is comparing girls to ice cream…Jimmy’s are a topping…what the hell are Jimmy’s anyway?

8. This episode is depressing. All show pilots suck compared to the later episodes. Rachel and Ross are pouty and annoying.

9. Rachel just made coffee for the first time. And it sucked. Rachel is my spirit animal. She gets me.

10. Paul the wine guy (Monica’s date last night) just had to do the best walk of shame. He had to pass all the friends from Monica’s room to the door. I want this to happen to someone I know.

11. Quote of the episode: “you guys all really have jobs?” -Rachel bahaha I love her. Nope just kidding…”wish me luck I’m gonna go get one of those job thingys” YES!! I’m just gonna keep saying it. I love Rachel!

12. Monica is such a good high school friend to let Rachel stay…I don’t like anyone from high school that much and I’m not that nice. So glad she did they have an epic friendship!

13. Lol oh Ross you thought Rachel didn’t know you liked her in highschool…that’s why we love you.

14. The beginning of Ross and Rachel…he’s going to ask her out sometime…I have butterflies. It’s magical!

15. Phoebe is weird. And we love it.

In 15 seconds episode two starts. Best day ever.

Always A Bridesmaid Never A Bride…

…and this is how we like it!

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/8a9/80743619/files/2014/12/img_0306-0.jpg

In the days approaching Christmas there were Facebook Status’ and Tweets galore dedicated to what people would do those who
Posted there Michael Kors gifts on any social media outlets ( so I didn’t post mine… You’re welcome) but not one ill word was spoken about those who post their engagement ring! This left me woefully unprepared for what I would be bombarded with logging on to Facebook last night.
I was shocked… My news feed was littered with newly diamond adorned fingers and adorable engagement photos complete with a Christmas tree backdrop.

This is the first year this has happened… At least 6 of my friends, acquaintances and co-workers got engaged over the last three days. Meanwhile I’m busy packing for my boyfriends wild 25th birthday weekend in Reno. Something is just not adding up here.
So many of my friends are now planning weddings and I’m still planning my vacations and day drinking endeavors.

Scarier yet were all the same age… As my boyfriend and I are coming up on our two year anniversary my friends are now betting on who’s getting engaged next and I’m favored to win (which will probably be hysterical and terrifying to my boyfriend all at the same time).

Fortunately for me …my three best girl friends and I are still on the same level. We’re trying to tame our wild ways but were still planning birthday weekends of wine tasting in Palm Springs. So I am not alone in enjoying my life as a girlfriend and not a fiancé.

I’m excited to say I have been lucky enough to be asked to be a bridesmaid! I’m so thrilled to be there sanding with and supporting my friend on her big day… However the wedding planning process has made me grateful I am not the bride. The venue, the cake and all the hassle!

Don’t get me wrong I will be thrilled when he finally pops the question! I will gladly say yes, slide that big rock on my finger and post the same obnoxious Facebook photos that are currently sending me into a panic attack!! Can someone grab me a Xanax please!?!

But for now I’m perfectly content to continue slowly weening myself off my party girl ways and planning vacations rather than weddings. That said… Congrats to all my beautiful friends!!!

What Girls REALLY Want From Santa

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/8a9/80743619/files/2014/12/img_0216.png

Diamonds are a girls best friend and everyone thinks that’s what a girl wants to find under the tree. But believe me finding a calorie free bottle of wine in your stocking would be just as exciting. If saying these things out loud wouldn’t be totally mortifying we’d be lining up to sit on Santa’s lap but for now we will continue to snail mail our list to the North Pole.

1. Calorie free foods. There are a list of foods we would all love to eat (or drink) to our hearts content. Pasta, all things chocolate, wine and pizza. I would trade a diamond necklace for an endless supply of calorie (aka guilt free wine and pasta.) We would all
Be less “hangry” (anger caused by hunger) if we weren’t always calorie counting.

2. A hot bod. It would be great if Santa could send a little magic our way and turn these B’s into C’s with out a nip and a tuck. Or a flat stomach without hours of gym time or depriving ourselves of anything containing sugar. If only Santa.

3. A No Fade Tan. An everlasting summer glow would be amazing. No more freezing cold spray tans or sweating it out while lying in a tanning bed. Tanning is only fun when you’re laying on a beach or by the pool with a cocktail. No more expensive smelly lotions just a gorgeous glow!

4. A pair of gorgeous stiletto heels that don’t completely murder your feet. There is nothing more depressing than buying a beautiful new pair of heels that you wear once and then you’re plagued with blisters for weeks. Dear Santa, could you please leave a pair of pain free stilettos under the tree for me? Thanks.

5. They say money can’t buy happiness….but it sure can help! It doesn’t grow on trees but we all wish it did. I know nothing cheers me up like doing a little online shopping with a glass of wine after work. It would be great if Santa could plant one of those money trees in my back yard…insurance doesn’t cover retail therapy!

6. More good sex. Need I say more? Is that too much to ask? I will say I’m
Not sure how Santa could bring that down the chimney but a girl can dream right?

7. An extra day in the weekend. There should be an 8 day week. There needs to be a day between Saturday and Sunday! There is not enough time to get everything done and relax!! (Or we can have a four day work week and make Friday the beginning of the weekend) Can Santa call the president about this?

8. A pain free period. An entire week of bloating and cramps. Nobody likes it or wants it. If it’s gotta happen could Santa please alleviate some of the obnoxious symptoms that ruin our week? Until Santa can find a cure …more midol in our stocking please.

9. We truly wish we could ask Santa to add all our favorite shows to Netflix. What possible explanation could Netflix have for excluding The O.C. From it’s repertoire. Dear Santa I’ve been a very good girl! Please make Netflix add it…we need our Adam Brody fix!

10. For all the haters in your life too..poof…disappear! I mean who needs all that irritation anyway. Life’s too short… They can go ahead and exit yours …immediately! Santa these bitches need to immediately go on your naught list.

So next time you’re struggling to find a present for your girl try inventing calorie free wine…or pasta…or chocolate. She’s gonna love it!

Photo credit: http://h30499.www3.hp.com/t5/IT-Service-Management-Blog/Dear-Santa-Making-a-list-and-checking-it-twice-is-EASY-with-CMS/ba-p/6311073 via google images