25 Things Girls Want Guys to Know

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I recently read an article on collegetimes.com, 30 Things Guys Wish Girls Knew. They asked for a rebuttal… Dear College Times and all guys out there here is what we would like you to know.

1. If we ask a question like Does this make me look fat? or Do you think she’s hot? You LIE!! If we we wanted the truth we wouldn’t be asking you.

2. Saying “I’m on my period.” is a 100% legit excuse for any and every crazy thing we may do during that god awful time of the month. From binge eating to crying and bitching..if value you your life you will accept this excuse.

3. If it’s not your credit card were swiping you have absolutely no right to have an opinion about our shopping and/or spending habits. No comments, questions or jokes about how much we shop or what we buy. We are independent women and we will shop if we want to! We reserve the right to buy that gorgeous coral Kate Spade bag as long as our paycheck allows!

4. BJ’s are a privilege not a right. Enough said.

5. Not all girls hate sports, if your girlfriend doesn’t understand that Sundays are for football and baseball season is a three hour, almost daily commitment…then maybe you should find a new girlfriend…one who doesn’t ask things like How many innings are there in football?

6. If we watch a 3 hour baseball game with you…you better happily and quietly sit through The Bachelor with us…or invest in a second TV for the sake of your relationship.

7. Birthday’s are a BIG deal. If you forget the date we met or our anniversary (unless were married) it’s a forgivable offense. If you forget our birthday, you suck and you don’t deserve to see us naked….ever again.

8. Gifts. If we love you we will wear a hideous sweater or piece of jewelry because you took the time to pick it out for us. And from then on we will give you serious guidance. If you don’t get us anything or you put no effort in we will know and not only will we hate you but so will our sister, our mom, and our BFF. You’ve been warned.

9. We don’t come right out and tell you things because it doesn’t count if we have to tell you to do it. We want you to think of it yourself. And we reserve the right to pout if you get it wrong.

10. If we spend 100 dollars on lingerie and 30 min trying to put it on perfectly, we’d really appreciate it if you waited more than 30 seconds to rip it off. Take a good long look, a lot of time, money, and self deprecation went into looking like a stripper for you.

11. Yes, we do need to get our hair done every 8 weeks…and we do need to spend the afternoon in Sephora finding the perfect lipstick or eyeshadow pallet. Chances are we didn’t look like a homeless gremlin when you met us and contrary to popular belief we do not wake up like this. So save your eye rolling.

12. Flowers are not just for F**k ups and anniversaries. We like them all the time. Just sayin.

13. Sometimes we run late. You may think you know what it’s like to have a bad hair day but you and your two inches of hair don’t know the true meaning of it. You may think that smearing mascara across your eyeshadow is a girl problem but to us it’s a freakin’ tragedy! And these things take time. So be patient with us when we run late to meet you, better yet come pick us up and prove chivalry is not dead.

14. When you order a drink for us at the bar with out asking what we want…we know you’re trying to be sweet and thoughtful but what you order us does not always have to be mixed with cranberry juice…some of us even like beer.

15. We love surprises we don’t need to be prepared for. Coffee, flowers, chocolate etc. If you expect us to try and dress for a surprise prepare to play 20 questions.

16. Too much jealousy is a huge turn off. No…no was not looking at him, my male coworkers do not hit on me and while I do think Matthew McConaughey is sexy I don’t compare you to him.

17. No one would nag if you just did it the first time we asked. You have the power to stop the nagging.

18. Do not ever under any circumstances call us crazy. Calling us crazy is like an open invitation to show you just how bat sh*t crazy we can be. This is for your own good.

19. If we love you we won’t fake it, we will instruct you, as ego crushing as it may be we’re not willing to risk deceiving you into thinking you’re great when you suck. If we just want you to leave we will fake it as fast and loud as we can. You’re welcome.

20. Sometimes we are going to want a
Burger and other times were going to diet. If we tell you were on a diet and then want McDonalds the next day, DO NOT remind us we went on a diet the day before. Our eating habits are like an emotional roller coaster, and you’re along for the ride. Just go with it.

21. If we text you we expect a timely, appropriate response. If we wrote you a novel, texting back “okay” 45 minuets later is not acceptable.

22. When we say, I don’t care, do whatever you want…” this absolutely does not mean do what you want. It means “danger Will Robinson Danger”…abort mission, I repeat, abort mission! Do.Not.Do.It.

23. We don’t believe you when you tell us you like us better with no make up on. That’s just weird. Saying you like us in sweats we’ll take because we know our ass look amazing in yoga pants.

24. Never refer to any of our friends as “Your hot friend [insert name here]”. Why you ask? Try it and find out.

25. Almost nothing works both ways. Just because we expect you to do the above does not mean we will always extend you the same courtesy. It’s the one double standard we get. Accept it.

Check out the article, 30 things guys wish girls knew at http://collegetimes.com/2014/01/07/rules-guys-wish-girls-knew

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10 First World Girl Problems

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Omg why is this happening…you know you’ve uttered those words dramatically as you’ve faced a problem that feels like the absolute end of the world. We’re drama queens and we own it, the world just might end of we don’t get our soy latte this morning. While it may seem insane to people who are struggling with real issues…let’s say hunger for example…these are first world probs we’ve all treated as if they are as serious as the spread of Ebola.

1. When Apple came out with the new IPhone charger for the 5. We’re they just trying to screw with us? There was a comfort in knowing no matter whose house you were at there was going to be a cord to charge you’re phone with. Because let’s be honest whether it was a first generation iPod or the iPhone, everyone owns at least one apple product. Now we have to carry a charger with us wherever we go, because being at risk of your phone dying is simply not an option.

2. Not all hotel rooms have hair dryers…WHAT!?!? Now I know you’re probably asking yourself “what kind of cheap ass hotel did she stay in”…it was a suite at the Hard Rock hotel in San Diego. This is not a fluke thing, I’ve stayed at several hotels that we’re lacking in the hair dryer department. It was so nice knowing it was one less thing I had to pack. Instead I show up at my suite, shower to go out and I’m stuck with wet hair…do you know how long hair takes to air dry!?!? And then it doesn’t style the same way…this is a freakin’ crisis people! So now I’m left packing a hair dryer every time I go on vacation to avoid this catastrophe. And a hair dryer takes up a lot of room in the over crowded suitcase my boyfriend is judging me for…which brings me to my next point.

3. Packing. It’s a crisis all it’s own. I’m physically incapable of not overpacking. I pack a full size suitcase for a weekend getaway. I need an outfit and shoes for any situation I may find myself in. And I don’t believe in travel size products. I’m not going to go pay 8 bucks for the mini can of Bed Head hairspray when I have a perfectly good full size can right here, it’s coming with me. I need what I need and I’ve just become used to the feeling of shame that comes over me when my boyfriend gives me a look of disgust when he sees my suitcase. And then he always seems slightly perturbed that he then has to lug my excessive suitcase up to the hotel room, when we’re only going out of town for the weekend. To which I simply say ..”you knew I was high maintenance when you met me”…and look out, coz now the hair dryer is coming too so that suitcase just got a little heavier babe! #sorrynotsorry

4. Stepping into Starbucks should be the best part of your day, but two very key things can go wrong…causing you great pain in a place that is supposed to be filled with joy.
FWP #1: you walk up to the counter, you order your Sugar-Free Vanilla Latte and they tell you they are out of sugar free vanilla syrup. Your eyes flash over the menu In a panic and think what the hell am I going to do now!?!? You have ten seconds to ponder before you feel anxiety about holding up the line!! Do you go to the gym for an extra 30 min cuz you drank the vanilla latte full of fat and sugar. What do you do?? It’s a day ruiner Starbucks, thanks. All I wanted was the sugar free vanilla but no and now I’m wracked with guilt over all the calories I’ve consumed.
FWP #2: You’re feeling festive, you’ve ordered a Grande Non-Fat, no whip, Peppermint Mocha, the barista calls out your name , you take a sip…and you taste whole milk and whipped cream. WHYYY!?!? You check the cup, it says right there, NF in the milk box! And then in other box WC with a big line through it…why the hell do you bother to write it down if you’re not going to read it! On the inside you’re livid, but still you stand there and wonder if you’re really going to be the bitch who tells them to remake your drink. They always are so nice and tell you they will remake anything but you know if you do they will hate you…forever (you would hate you too) and you can’t have that because you’re here three times a week. So you leave feeling sad …and fat because you know you’re going to drink it anyway!. #FML

5. When Netflix takes away a show. Ummm…didn’t you know I was watching that?? They took away Mean Girls…sure I own it but I liked knowing I could watch it whenever! And KUWTK isn’t on there anymore. I went to relive the magic of Kim K and Reggie Bush but noooo….who makes these ridiculous decisions Netflix??? That person should be fired. You could watch a show anytime, anywhere and now it’s just gone?!? And you can judge my guilty pleasure shows all you want but you know it’s happened to you and that you reacted like your civil rights had just been violated.

6. Your make-up has been discontinued. It took you FOREVER to find the perfect shade of MAC lipstick, you go into the store, you ask for help and they tell you it’s been moved to the back because it’s been discontinued. Suddenly you’re stockpiling like its 1999. Do they know how long it took you to find the perfect shade of red. It was red enough to make a statement with out making you look like a whore! You’d just gotten all attached and now MAC is breaking up with you. Or even worse you go into Target looking for the Cover Girl foundation you’ve been using since you were 15. It matches perfectly and there is a perfect shade for after you’ve been tanning too. And it’s just GONE! Can they even do that????? They no longer carry it. You’ve been in a codependent relationship with Cover Girl for 10 years and they are screwing you over. It’s wrong.

7. It’s a phenomenon we’ve all dealt with, a 30 min shower and half a bottle of Skintimate you’re legs are perfectly shaved, all soft and smooth. It was a lot of work but you’re proud of your accomplishment. You step one foot out of the shower and then it happens… Goosebumps… Why God Why!? All that effort and shaving cream for nothing, the prickles are
Back….fail. And there’s nothing you can do about it.

8. You and your girl are having a wine night in. You polish off the bottle, you open the fridge to find there’s no more wine. You drank two bottles already? But the night is young! You knew better this has happened before, you tell yourself you don’t need the third bottle …you always do. In fact you should probably spring for a box next time at the rate your going but what do you do now?? You can’t drive, calling a cab would be a level of alcoholism you won’t admit to ( though you’ve thought about it). So you rummage through the fridge find some beer and pout because you wanted wine. The moral of this story is BevMo should deliver like Dominos. They would make a killing.

9. Pandora only let’s you skip so many songs. Why do you care how many songs I skip pandora? It’s not my fault you played a bunch of songs that sucked or that I didn’t want to listen to? Why should I be penalized?? It’s rude! I told you what I liked when I pick the station. Now I’m forced to find a new station or suffer though more of your poor choices. For what reason, idk?!

10. You’ve done all you’re face make up, foundation, powder, bronzer, blush…the works. You’re skin is looking flawless, you go to apply mascara and boom. You had some sort of spasm that caused you to touch your cheek with the tip of the mascara and now there is big black smudge blemishing you’re formerly perfect face. A wave of panic comes over you, if you don’t handle this correctly you’ll make it worse and then you’re going to have to break out the make up wipes and start all over. You’re morning is ruined, you’re now going to be late for work because odds are you’re doing to re-do you’re entire face thanks to one slip up with the mascara brush. Great.

You know you’ve been dramatic at least once over all these lovely first world problems were plagued with on a daily basis. And I pretty much guarantee that there will be a part two when I find more shallow, inane things to complain about.