Signs you’re a Functioning Hot Mess 

It’s the little things that make you feel like you’ve gotten your life together. Those moments make up about 5 percent of your life and the other 95 percent is the daily struggle you go through just barely passing as a functioning member of society, you know what I mean …right? 

1. You think that you’ve accomplished something great by being in a relationship. No matter how serious or casual at least it’s something to tell your family members while you’re home for the holidays. You can’t bare to asked why you’re still single by your great aunt June one more time. 

2. You lay out your “work clothes” the night before so you can hit the snooze button, just one more time the next morning. Every minute counts. 

3. You go into Target to by eye liner and bananas…and you come out with three bottles of wine. Oops. 

4. You get in a great work out and you’re so proud of yourself… so obviously  you reward yourself with a glass of wine and a brownie. Your health kick will start tomorrow. For real this time. 

5. You’ve tried to calculate how much of your paycheck is currently sitting in the Starbucks register. 

6. You’re trying to save money…until you’ve had a half a bottle of wine, your inhibitions have been lowered, let the online shopping begin. After all, it’s been a rough week. 

7. “Packing a lunch for work” is an easy Mac and a string cheese. It fits into your budget but not your healthy meal plan. Shhh, don’t tell my food journal. 

8. Dry shampoo and perfume are your best friends. Your co workers won’t be able to tell you didn’t shower this morning. 

9. Choosing between canceling your gym membership and wine of the month club…you can run outside right? 

10. You put that your outdoorsy on your online dating profile. You love drinking mimosas by the pool. 

11. You love brunch, because it’s a classy way to binge drink on a Sunday.

12. Your personal trainer asks what you’ve done today. You say yoga and arms. Because you opened a bottle of wine while wearing yoga pants. 

13. You’re version of saving money isn’t by not spending it, it’s by using your credit card instead. 

14. You can’t be friends with your co-workers on Facebook  because they would know the real reason you called in sick last Friday. 

15. You throw on running shoes with your yoga pants and messy bun so the people at target think you came from the gym not the couch. 

16. You still aren’t mature enough to go out With your girlfriends for a drink. One drink turns into seven. And forget about happy hour, that turns into crawling to the front door at midnight. 

17. You feel a sense of accomplishment after finishing a whole series on Netflix. It took hours of dedication. 

18. You keep telling yourself that someday you’re going to use your college major for something in real life. 

19. You tell yourself every Friday that next week you’re going to start working out and eating right. Is there a weight loss plan that includes wine? 

20. When you’re having a bad day you compare it the day Kim K’s sex tape was released and think maybe it’s not so bad. 

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