Oh the difference a sibling (or 6) makes

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Several of my 20 something friends are tying the knot and immediately jumping into bed to make babies! While I’m so excited to plan baby showers for them and to hold adorable newborns, I am also more than happy to hand the little one back the moment crying ensues! Possibly because I am the oldest 7. The six littles ones have made me all two familiar with motherhood, and anyone who was older when their siblings were born knows these same situations all too well! While we may be well equipped to handle motherhood someday our little siblings have not made us too eager to get there.

1.Only children and those close In age to their siblings won’t recall what it’s like being trapped in a car with a screaming baby or toddler throwing a temper tantrum. At 16 I remember wanted to jump out the window on the freeway when my 6 month old brother was shrieking, for no apparent reason. Nothing pushes you to the brink of your sanity faster than being locked in a car with a toddler who is kicking the back of your seat and screaming at the top of his lungs because he wants a happy meal.

2. I’m not in a rush to be a soccer mom because I’ve already been a soccer sister. I’ve been dragged out of bed at an ungodly hour on Saturday mornings to shuttle one of my siblings to soccer. Too many kids, too many games at the same time, poor mom can’t get to all of them so sister is an acceptable stand in. I work hard and I’d like to spend a few more years sleeping in on Saturday…after all it’s the day of pre-rest right?

3. They may be tiny and cute but they are ragingly expensive. From club soccer fees to prom dresses, I’ve heard my siblings come home demanding cash for it all. Not to mention you have to feed and clothe them and all that too. Right now I’d rather spend my extra cash on an expensive hand bag and take my baby brother out for froyo on the weekend than pay for a little one of my own.

4. Being 5-16 years older than my siblings I’ve spent a lot of time baby sitting! This has left me loving my freedom! From being able to shop without holding a hand to living entirely on my own schedule. Children tend to be on a fairly demanding time schedule. My parents recently went to Hawaii, I was in charge of 5 kids from 17-8 and let me tell at the end of the vacation, I wasn’t sure I wanted to have kids ever. Even at 15 they can pick up after themselves, and the little ones need help with homework and lunches and getting to and from school. It’s exhausting, I have a hard enough time with just myself. It gave me a whole new respect for my mom, and the fact that she doesn’t drink an bottle of wine to herself nightly. Needless to say I was ready for a Grande Marg upon their arrival.

5. When I go out to dinner whether it’s for a date night or girls night, I am looking for a grown up good time….and nothing kills the vibe more than a family with tiny tots, yelling, crying and climbing on the table eliciting stares from restaurant goers. While my friends who are only children are shooting them dirty looks, how dare they take their children out to dinner, I avoid staring in their direction and instead of a glare I give the mom a sympathetic look and smile. I do this because remember what it was like being 14 and having 5 year old twins and a infant dining out with me, I know exactly how mortified that poor mom is because I was that mortified older sister. And at the end of the evening I get to leave the restaurant childless and that poor mom has to go home with those wild children.

6. I’ve seen my mom bend over backwards to make my siblings happy with out so much as a thank you, let alone the acknowledgment that she rearranged her whole schedule to drive them to practice or she just bought them new cleats that cost as much as my car payment. I think I would rather stick to my thankless job, at least I get to leave at 5 and I get paid for my over time.

I love kids but growing up with them made me acutely aware that those cute little bundles of joy are expensive, loud, hindrances to fun. While I’m sure their are an abundance of joys you experience as a parent that I could relate to, like how proud I was of my baby bro the first time I saw him score a goal in soccer, or when I saw my little sister, one of my closest friends, graduate from high school with tears in my eyes…when it comes time to get married I will be busy planning my honeymoon in Venice, not planning pregnancies. This girl is in no hurry to have a screaming baby in the backseat of her car…so a big thanks to all my siblings for my views on motherhood.

10 Things that Suck about friends becoming Moms

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We are at that awkward age…our mid twenties. Which means half our friends are getting married and having babies and then the other half is still participating in “Thirsty Thursday” even though they have a “Grown Up Job” and have to battle an early morning hang over.
It seems like just when we’ve paid off the awful bridesmaid’s dress on our credit card, were charging a diaper genie for the baby shower. And then when you think you couldn’t have any less in common with your bestie (she used to shoot tequila with you and now she’s drinking kale smoothing and popping prenatal vitamins) she pops out the little bundle of joy and things that are far more annoying…

1. Insta-excess. We get it, your baby is adorable, but 7 posts a day is a little much. It’s a one month old – how much could he/she possibly be doing.

2. The profile pic of you and your girl clinking glasses at her wedding reception has been replaced by yet another photo of the baby. Not her AND the baby, ONLY the baby. I’m sorry I thought this was your page – not your newborns….like, why?!?

3. The Judgement. The girl who once used to be famous for getting too hammered and taking her top off at parties is now passing judgement on your life choices. Last time I checked enjoying the single life at 25 is not a crime, just ask Carrie Brashaw.

4. Mommy & Me. That’s it you have been replaced by the same group of women you used to cringe at together while grabbing non-fat Vanilla Lattes before your shopping date…the dreaded mommy and me play group. You just don’t get her anymore.

5. The feeling is mutual. Complaining to her about how you got drunk and slept with your ex is just not the same…you used to share a bottle of wine while you complained…now you have to watch her breast feed.

6. You’re now a free babysitter. Your girl calls you up saying she really needs a night out. It’s been months with out a girls night out, you’re ready to put the Champagne on Ice and breakout your leather pants…she asks you to babysit.

7. Possibly even worse than the new mom who thinks a good time is eating cookies in her sweats while the baby naps is the friend who thinks nothing has changed. She wants to go out and get wild wearing the mini dress she bought pre-baby while still rocking the post baby weight…how do you tell her this night isn’t going to end well?

8. Let’s bring the baby! While it may sound like a good idea at first, it usually ends up with a screaming baby and your bestie pulling her boob out in the middle of the Cheesecake Factory, as you drink your Peach Bellini and reminisce about the time she showed her boobs in public…for free shots…not milk.

9. You own mom…upon seeing he arrival of your friends babies your mom suddenly feels the need to remind you that “your clock is ticking” and the not so subtle hints that she’d like to be a grandma. Thanks mom, your right if Jessica had a baby I should too…and I suppose if she jumped off a cliff you’d expect me to follow? NO.

10. In a last ditch effort to connect with you your bestie asks…”Don’t you want this someday?” ….as she is covered in spit up you don’t have the heart to tell her, no at the moment you find throwing on a Sparkly Mini and going to Nobu for dinner and drinks with the other misfits who haven’t manage to snag a man and get knocked up far more appealing.