Bad Boys are Bad Habits

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It’s the age old question…Good Guys vs. Bad Boys. (I’m seriously channeling my inner Carrie Bradshaw for this one.) Bad boys are the hardest habit to break…but why? Are women just gluttons for punishment or is there a bad boy high we just can’t get from a good guy?

Bad boys are never boring, you’re on a constant roller coaster ride of highs and lows, ergo you never lose that spark. That intensity that you feel at the beginning of all relationships feels ever lasting, comparing it to the fading spark that comes with being in a relationship with a good guy is unfair and unrealistic.

The giddy, on top of the world feeling women derive from compliments and attention bad boys give stems from the fact that they aren’t really “ours”. You don’t have the comfort of knowing he’s he will always be there, you’re in a constant competition with every other woman in the room. He is not your boyfriend and no matter how you feel, what he says, or what you tell yourself…he’s probably just a guy you roll in the sheets with.

At some point every woman grows in maturity and walks away (or takes an extended vacation) from the off and on dramatic saga of being in a pseudo relationship with a bad boy and finds herself a good guy. It’s like a chronic illness, they show up when you least expect it and throw your life into a tail spin. Don’t let them. You’ve found your stable, dependable and adoring good guy….and then your bad boy comes out of the wood work to comment on your photo and tell you how good you look, as if he’s been pining for you all this time. When really he’s been whoring around. He has not changed and never will…but all those feelings rush back anyway making you think he was always truly your soul mate. But he probably isn’t …do you ever ask yourself how you’d feel about him if he wasn’t so bad??

Bad boys are never really there for you, they don’t stay in and watch Netflix, they don’t make you breakfast in bed, or take care of you when your sick. They are only around for fun, drinks, bed time, and drama. You don’t see them daily, they aren’t with you through the good, bad and the ugly. There is no time for them to become a part of your monotonous daily routine. Consistency kills the magic …it’s an unfortunate part of life. A good guy will work on keeping the magic alive over time. A bad boy will be on to the next…probably before you even know the spark went out.

So why is it that women always feel like leaving the toxic bad boy and his spark behind is some form of settling? Probably because in the back of your mind you know that nothing will ever compare to the feeling that came with absolute uncertainty, cheating, lies and deceit that led to passionate make ups. And almost all women have a bad habit of looking back in their tumultuous relationship and only remember the good times. So are women absolute relationship masochists?? The ones that sacrifice constant happiness (even if it’s less exciting) with a good guy to go back to a bad boy probably are just a little bit.

That said any women who has had a tortured on and off romance with a bad boy is a lot like a recovering drug addict. It’s mind over matter. No matter how bad you crave the high you have to fight it, because relapsing with turn your life upside down, you’ll hurt people you care about…for a brief fling that will once again leave you rock bottom….a place that you called home once upon a time. And that wasn’t fun the the first 50 times was it? It may take years to realize but a truly grown woman will choose the good guy at the end of the day.

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Excuse me but I didn’t order a catfish?!

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Have 20 something’s given up? Have we really relinquished ourselves to online dating because were so desperate to find love at the ripe old age of 23? We’re sacrificing chemistry for convenience. While I haven’t experienced online dating myself I’ve watched my friends experience some online dating success and some Tinder nightmares.

Online Dating Pros

1. The Pool Keeps Shrinking. Once you graduate college, you go from trying to weed out the douche bags from the the nice guys, to just trying to meet any guy! There are friends of friends, co-workers, the few randoms from the bar and god forbid exes. Bottom line the older you get the fewer opportunities you have to meet new people.

2. Ain’t nobody got time for that. We’re busy ladies! We have jobs and other commitments that do not allow the time that is required to meet a guy. When we have time to go out with our friends we want to enjoy their company, not constantly be on the prowl.

3. Been there, done that. We’re over guys in bars. We just spent four years in college bringing guys home from bars. Having drunk hook ups and ill fated flings after meeting drunk. We’re looking for something more than what you can find in a bar on a Friday night.

4. True Life: We Met Online. Giving credit where it’s due, a friend of a friend, at age 24 is in a successful relationship with a guy she met on match. He is 26, with a good job, his own place and his life is together. I ask myself what kind of 20 something guy goes on match? My first thought? A desperate creep! Apparently the one she found is just a little more mellow and job oriented.

Online Dating Cons

1. Meet Cute. When your kids someday ask you how you met your answer will be online. So much for an adorable story. No phone number written on a Starbucks cup, or an instant connection after bumping into each other at a crowded gallery opening. Or in my case too much tequila caused me to sit on his lap…while he was bar-tending, hey it was cuter than it sounds!

2. So inorganic. You can’t manufacture true chemistry. You can’t buy butterflies. No test can match you with your soulmate. It’s not a perfect system, like every girl out there trolling the bars you’re going to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. Odds are the first guy you find on match isn’t going to be the love of your life.

3. And then there was Tinder…it’s like an online booty call. Yes, I know one person who is in a tinder relationship, however, some of the dates my friends have been on.OMG. Absolutely horrifying! It’s more like an online booty call. As if there wasn’t a stigma attached to online dating already, tinder came along and put the cherry on top. I’m judging and all my girls know it.

4. Catfish. There is an entire television show dedicated to the crazy, creepy, scum of the earth who screw with people online. Remember when you swiped right on Tinder, you know, tall, blonde, blue eyes, fit. Odds are if he’s not a total a**hole, then he is actually 300 lbs, eating pizza in his parents basement and loving your photos as well. Thanks MTV you’ve now encouraged all the crazies to
Come out of the woodwork…again. (Sidenote: don’t get me wrong I love catfish the tv show)

Bottom line, in my opinion I think 20 something’s should keep hope alive and stay off online dating sites. I think we need to feel spark and continue to be adventurous. Leave your options open! Ask me again in 5 1/2 years and I may be far more encouraging when it comes to online dating at 30 but for now at least I get a kick out of hearing about my friend’s infamous tinder dates!