Pinterest: Bored House Wife Porn

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Pinterest is addicting. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve stayed up way passed my bedtime feeding my Pinterest addiction…it’s like crack. But let’s be honest how often do we actually use the stuff we pin?! You know we’ve all pinned the DIY mason jar soap dispenser…are you actually going to make that..probably not…but you like to pretend you’re crafty.

That’s the other thing I am not crafty…I have a board called DIY/crafty…I’m like 98% sure I’ve never actually made anything on that board. But hey if I ever feel inspired, or need to make something, or find myself with a copious amount of time on my hands…I can rest easy knowing I’ve pinned it.

There are two things I will admit to legitimately using Pinterest for…it’s been my shopping inspiration….I can thank Pinterest for my desperate need to go out and buy an Aztec print sweater (which I did and it’s adorable). It gave me the courage to go buy a statement necklace knowing I’ve pinned about 50 outfits to pair it with and another 50 different ways to wear it. So basically Pinterest is the reason for that dent in my pink Michael Kors wallet, (which I’ve also pinned on Pinterest and probably captioned “love my MK wallet”).

My boyfriend has grown not only to accept my Pinning but to love it, because the second thing l use it for is recipes. I did not cook and never cared to until Pinterest came along, now I’m making everything from cookies to lasagna and I’m proud of it. So proud in fact that most of the time I Instagram it. “Freshly baked cookies for my babe” #pinterestsuccess …yes, I’m that girl…stop judging…you know you’ve done it too!

And then there are those who take Pinterest to a whole new level of obsessed, they pin like it’s their job, (probably because they don’t have one) they are the bored housewives of America. They are the women who make the rest of a us feel wildly inadequate. The women who pin things to their craft bored and then actually complete them…bitches.
They are the moms who hand make birthday invitations, and they are not just invites. They take paper, string and some buttons and make that invitation into a sail boat for god sake.
They are the women who have themed parties and when you ask where they bought the cute little cupcake toppers they say “oh I made it from Pinterest” …silly you, expecting an answer like Party City.
The same women who Instagram the baked potato soup they made on a whim because it’s a cold winter afternoon. They saw it on Pinterest and didn’t have anything better to do and the soup turned out perfectly…obviously. And you’re just a tad jealous because you saw this post while scrolling through your news feed and eating Kraft Mac N Cheese. You’re response to their unattainable perfection?…”where’s my wine!?”
These are the wives who are making cake pops for their husbands office potluck, while the rest of us rip open a bag of Oreo’s and dump them on a red plate…festive right? I thought so. Because who has time to bake for a work…you’re not getting paid enough for that.

While it may sound as if I’m passing judgement (and maybe I am, just a tad) it’s only because I’m not crafty and I can barely cook…I will never be able to live up to the Pinterest standards of the bored housewives of America…but for those random times I do, you can bet I’m going to Instagram it.

10 Things that Suck about friends becoming Moms

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We are at that awkward age…our mid twenties. Which means half our friends are getting married and having babies and then the other half is still participating in “Thirsty Thursday” even though they have a “Grown Up Job” and have to battle an early morning hang over.
It seems like just when we’ve paid off the awful bridesmaid’s dress on our credit card, were charging a diaper genie for the baby shower. And then when you think you couldn’t have any less in common with your bestie (she used to shoot tequila with you and now she’s drinking kale smoothing and popping prenatal vitamins) she pops out the little bundle of joy and things that are far more annoying…

1. Insta-excess. We get it, your baby is adorable, but 7 posts a day is a little much. It’s a one month old – how much could he/she possibly be doing.

2. The profile pic of you and your girl clinking glasses at her wedding reception has been replaced by yet another photo of the baby. Not her AND the baby, ONLY the baby. I’m sorry I thought this was your page – not your newborns….like, why?!?

3. The Judgement. The girl who once used to be famous for getting too hammered and taking her top off at parties is now passing judgement on your life choices. Last time I checked enjoying the single life at 25 is not a crime, just ask Carrie Brashaw.

4. Mommy & Me. That’s it you have been replaced by the same group of women you used to cringe at together while grabbing non-fat Vanilla Lattes before your shopping date…the dreaded mommy and me play group. You just don’t get her anymore.

5. The feeling is mutual. Complaining to her about how you got drunk and slept with your ex is just not the same…you used to share a bottle of wine while you complained…now you have to watch her breast feed.

6. You’re now a free babysitter. Your girl calls you up saying she really needs a night out. It’s been months with out a girls night out, you’re ready to put the Champagne on Ice and breakout your leather pants…she asks you to babysit.

7. Possibly even worse than the new mom who thinks a good time is eating cookies in her sweats while the baby naps is the friend who thinks nothing has changed. She wants to go out and get wild wearing the mini dress she bought pre-baby while still rocking the post baby weight…how do you tell her this night isn’t going to end well?

8. Let’s bring the baby! While it may sound like a good idea at first, it usually ends up with a screaming baby and your bestie pulling her boob out in the middle of the Cheesecake Factory, as you drink your Peach Bellini and reminisce about the time she showed her boobs in public…for free shots…not milk.

9. You own mom…upon seeing he arrival of your friends babies your mom suddenly feels the need to remind you that “your clock is ticking” and the not so subtle hints that she’d like to be a grandma. Thanks mom, your right if Jessica had a baby I should too…and I suppose if she jumped off a cliff you’d expect me to follow? NO.

10. In a last ditch effort to connect with you your bestie asks…”Don’t you want this someday?” ….as she is covered in spit up you don’t have the heart to tell her, no at the moment you find throwing on a Sparkly Mini and going to Nobu for dinner and drinks with the other misfits who haven’t manage to snag a man and get knocked up far more appealing.