It’s Valentines Day…Somebody Pass the Tequila

Valentine’s day is less than a week away and the social media world is already a flutter with angst and preciousness. Single girls are bitching and threatening to sign off of all social media for Vday…how tragic. Cheating boyfriends are busy making dinner reservations for BAE, while ordering his side chick flowers…for delivery of course. And the average BF is busy scrambling to make last min reservations and pick up flowers in a feeble attempt to placate his girlfriend. Friends with benefits avoid each other like the plague. And girlfriends are subscribing their bfs to the beer of the month club by the thousands.

The single girls broadcasting their relationship status, or lack there of, are in need of a little tough love this Valentines Day. While you may feel forever alone now, that will not always be the case. And if you look back through past Facebook albums I’m willing to bet that you’ll find a disgustingly adorable Vday post similar to the ones you’re bitching about now. Calm down…it’s nothing a dose of sarcasm and a shot of tequila can’t fix. Not to mention, it could be worse, there are children starving in Africa…at least you can eat (or drink) your feelings.
Every other day of the month you’re preaching about your single girl independence. Go out and be the independent woman you claim to be. Go buy yourself a bouquet, it’s not pathetic, if you wanted flowers to go in your kitchen vase any other day of the year you’d buy them right?! Or better yet go buy yourself a bottle of tequila and those chocolate covered strawberries you’ve been eyeing and have a good old, man bashing, Vday with your single ladies. After all, some of the most memorable Vdays are the ones you spend with your girlfriends.
So before you write and dramatic status about how sick you are of seeing your girls post pictures of flowers, chocolates, presents, (and god forbid engagement rings) this Valentines day take a moment and remember you’ve been there. You have posted flowers with obnoxious captions about your “babe” or vom inducing happy valentines day kissing pics of you and your man. If you haven’t, next year you may want to and you don’t wanna be a hypocrite, right?! So be a good sport, quit your bitching and like your girlfriends posts. After all, it’s her turn to be the spoiled girl on valentines day. She’s held your hand and your hair through your break ups and make ups, you owe her.

And a note to all you boyfriends out there. Even if we say Valentines Day isn’t a big deal and we play it off like it’s a consumer holiday, don’t believe us. Even if it’s not our favorite holiday, we are secretly hoping you do something to acknowledge the holiday. As much as we love being included in this romantic holiday, and let’s be honest here girls, we do. (I’ve never felt more special and envied than the Valentines day my boyfriend had roses and a teddy bear delivered to my office.) There is something to be said about getting flowers, just about any other day of the year. As much fun as it is to celebrate Vday, getting flowers on a random day for no reason can be 100 times more romantic than getting flowers the same day every other girlfriend does because that’s what boyfriends supposed to do. So keep that in mind fellas, we like to be spoiled the other 364 days of the year too!

Cheers to all my single ladies out there, don’t forget the salt and limes. And to all my couples…post away, you have my blessing ….Happy Valentines Day! Xoxo.

50 Shades of Judgement

So let me start by asking; how many of you ladies who have been counting down the days with baited breath and planning to spend Valentine’s day with a box of chocolates and Christian Grey, would actually get down in his infamous Red Room of Pain…Any takers?

I’m probably sharing what will be received as an incredibly unpopular opinion. However, I find it funny that this is the book most woman in America went crazy for. I read the first two books several years ago. I haven’t gotten around to the third and I don’t plan to (so if someone wants to let me know how it ends that would be great,thanks). This is not because I’m some prude who thinks BDSM is scary or too kinky. Frankly, E.L. James writing sucked. Voice, wit and word choice were not what had these books flying off the shelves, proving once again sex sells.

As someone who has visited Seattle many times I can tell you, if British housewife James has taken a trip across the pond it was not to Seattle. The vague scenes depicting mountains, perpetual gray skies and the occasional space needle siting definitely leave something to be desired when it comes to scenic descriptions. But who needs scenery when you’ve got lip biting and pleasure balls, right?

I also find it rather comical that 50
Shade die hards seem to be pretty bummed the scandalous tampon removal scene didn’t make it into the film. Really girls? I don’t know about you but if a sex scene (or 10) needed to be cut I’m ok with that scene being one. Christian removing Anna’s tamp doesn’t exactly scream sexy movie scene to me. It’s a film not a porno, remember there was a plot in there some where between all the whips, chains, and sex. One of the main reasons I am still curious how it ends is because I’m intrigued by Christian’s character and what led him to become the person he is, regarding both personality and sexual preferences. Despite the fact that every time I read his words in the book I heard a Optimus Prime’s (yes,the transformer) voice in my head.

Anastasia perplexes me because as a girl, at 21 or even now at 24 I think I can speak for myself and most my girlfriends when I say our response to the Red Room would have been quite different. There would have been a lot more WTF’s and are you kidding me right now’s? Throughout the course of the book if we were Anastasia. And it probably would have taken more than his millions, lavish gifts and clothes to get me to go along with some of his bizarre requests. Even despite the cool plane ride.

I’ll admit despite the fact that I don’t find the actor playing Mr.Grey, Jamie Doran as swoon worthy as everyone else does won’t deter me from seeing the movie. Not on Valentine’s Day and maybe not even in theaters but I want to see what all the fuss is about. Hypocritical as it may seem, can you blame me?

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